Banaitja

My uninterested muse.

Comments

[this is good]

I like so many lines in this. i think it warrants revision, but I can't critique anything in Vox format. I like "her teeth shine, color of milk." I'd take out that extraneou "the." I like the lines of "her eyes dance the tango" etc. Very sensual! The last two stanzas are the weakest in the poem. Thanks for sharing this good piece.

Lucy

Thanks for the feedback. I agree about the last stanzas. As I was writing them, I felt a lack of inspiration, and it definitely shows.

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